


Shenanigans

by LegendofMajora



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Christmas Party, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3504518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendofMajora/pseuds/LegendofMajora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really, it's not so bad as long as Shizuo and Izaya can behave themselves once. It's okay to be festive, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shenanigans

"Shizuo-kun, is there a possibility that you could...try _not_ to drown Izaya in the punch bowl?"

Shizuo spares Shinra a heated glance, filling with molten steel kicking in from the sparks of dealing with Izaya, sticky and wet with having been nearly drowned in the festively-spiked punch bowl Celty makes for her Christmas party. To which she doesn't know Shinra has spiked it and what she doesn't know won't hurt her, but these two fighting probably won't help the mood for tonight. It's a mistake, inviting the two of them, but Celty insists because Izaya looks a little lonelier this time of year and out of the sheer goodness of her heart the bastard doesn't deserve, she manages to keep surprising Shinra.

Which isn't so bad, if Erika would stop squealing about the BL manga possibilities while tugging onto Walker, wearing matching pairs of reindeer antlers while drinking the spiked punch and probably already aware of the alcohol content. Kadota looks like he's going to need some more at this point the way his eyes roll and the Santa hat on his head slips to the side and his hand buries itself in his hair. Repetition will surely make him bald.

"Ah, but Izaya decided to show up, didn't he?" Shizuo tightens his hold on Izaya's throat, probably best that he doesn't notice Erika is partnering up with Izaya's twin sisters and terrifying with a mistletoe in her hands. It's in the wrong place at a _really_ bad time. "So it's time I show him the door, because fleas aren't allowed amongst humans."

Izaya scoffs, wheezing a breath and Shinra thinks that the informant's lips are turning as blue as Aoba's hair, who gives a charming smile to Celty and he's going to have to speak with him if the kid doesn't knock it off. The Orihara twins brought him so Shinra doesn't know at first what kind of situation it'd be, but he certainly doesn't expect some little brat hitting on his beloved. "Shizu-chan isn't human, so why should I not be allowed here?" Izaya coughs and his saliva catches in his throat, scraping roughly against the reminder that this is possibly ending in another fight between them to destroy everything. "After all, Shinra was so kind to invite me."

Shizuo tightens his fingers painfully, and Erika's eyes still light up with the twins' and Shinra shifts nervously on his feet. Kasuka and Ruri said they're going to be late and he's really not sure if he can keep Shizuo from destroying his apartment until then. Tom looks to be preoccupied with explaining strange traditions to the woman, Vorona, Shinra thinks her name is. There really isn't much help, and Simon and Dennis aren't able to come and save his apartment from Armageddon. Wishful thinking, no matter how he cuts it.

Walker looks to be slowly backing away from Erika, deviously plotting with Izaya's sisters and Shinra finds it best that he helps Izaya when the struggling starts to die down."Just put him down, Shizuo. If he doesn't do anything, then leave him be. But if he does, you'll be the first to get at him." Shooting a glance to Celty _still_ dealing with Aoba and his stupid elf hat Shinra finds himself quickly occupied with going over and having to make sure that the kid knows his limits. Somewhere the Raira trio is not drinking the punch (wishful thinking for Christmas like he hopes Celty likes the lingerie he's bought her) and Kida is flirting with Anri halfheartedly while Mikado tries to protect the fact she's just too embarrassed to tell him to stop. Strange people.

Shizuo gives him an exasperated look, releasing his fingers only slightly so that Izaya's throat is dampening into a rouge bruising color, matching the shape of his hand and wrapping around like a possessive choker. Shinra knows that this play fighting is getting so old but it's hard to speak up with dangerous men in his apartment at the same time. It's really a bad, bad idea. "Fine. Let the flea stink up the entire fucking place." But he doesn't let go as much as Erika ignores Kadota's worries about pushing the envelope too far. With these two, it's a cardboard box with wet cats.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya coughs heavily, wriggling to claw at the beast of a man to force himself free. His jacket is already missing and Shizuo can easily throw him out the nearest window if he wants, but Izaya still plays dirty. "Let go of me already, you protozoic beast." Shinra shoots him an apologetic look, having to go talk with the Aoba kid because this is just getting out of hand before Shizuo gives a nasty smirk and a deadly look in his eyes.

Releasing his hand on Izaya's throat, Shizuo watches and doesn't hear the collective murmur of silence when Izaya drops to the floor, catching himself on his hands and knees. The choking sounds bad like someone is meant to intervene, but no one has enough strength as Kasuka to stop Shizuo and Celty's shadows flick in warning, Aoba—that little shit—looks far too intrigued.

Meaning to hold a baited breath like some of the wiser ones, Erika makes a squeak that Kururi gets the brilliant idea to cover, along with Mairu's cheers for their brother to _get it on already_ and start some form of kissing or having sex.

Shinra would rather not sacrifice his eyesight. Or his sanity.

He's not sure what anything would accomplish, from Shizuo digging his heel into the nape of Izaya's neck and smashing the informant back onto the ground. The room, if possible, is quieter and slick with tension sliding—Erika, please don't comment—in between fingertips and carefully waiting to see what happens. They all have bad habits of watching what they shouldn't.

"Get off...of me," Izaya growls, "heavy, Shizu-chan. You really need to stop eating so many...sweets." The tighter clog of his throat doesn't help his case, Shizuo growling something heavy and low, rumbling in the ears of anyone unlucky enough to hear. "I don't think...even bariatric surgery would save you, gluttonous beast."

That isn't clearly a smart thing to say. Izaya must really not value his life all that much.

Erika squeals, Kururi tightening her hand over her mouth because their horrifying intimidating ways are almost equally matched in the creepiness of how sweet and innocent they can manage to _not_ be. Shinra is careful to shoot Celty a warning glance to get ready to intervene, watching the shadows creep on the floor and hoping that this won't ruin the mood. It will, he knows, and there's nothing like-

"Hah!? Let's hear you call me a pig when you gorge yourself on blood, parasite." Shizuo snarls like snapping piano strings and the sound is painful enough to drag on, scratching in Shinra's ears spelling trouble with bloodied fingernails.

"What are you waiting for?" Izaya scrambles out from beneath Shizuo's shoe, landing on his elbows and sitting up as he waits for Shizuo to react, laughing hoarsely. The front of his shirt caught in Shizuo's tightening grasp, Izaya continues to laugh like nails on a chalkboard, cacophony to Shinra's ears and any chances of having a special night with Celty.

It's all their stupid fault. Erika just has to make this worse. "Hey, hey, why not use a mistletoe, IzaIza?" and Mairu enthusiastically agrees, passing the weed to Kururi to throw at the two as if it will consummate some brand of unholy love that supposedly exists between them. Kida and Mikado look confused, both backing away as Anri's eyes are glowing a strange color and Shinra thinks Celty isn't telling him things at times like these. Aoba, the little shit, is still breathing.

The weed lands on Izaya's head, a comical sight when it brushes and skids before reaching Shizuo's hand that isn't choking Izaya. With the informant's hands around his neck and squeezing with blunt nails it looks to be the beginnings of a fight, Shizuo's face contorting into unimaginable rage at the mere thought of when Izaya puckers his lips like a fish. Laughing isn't the best in the more delicate workings of this operation.

"You think that's funny, Izaya?" Shizuo growls like grinding up street and sidewalk with his throat, gravel spitting chunks of hot asphalt when he speaks. His arm tenses and he means to throw Izaya, the informant slipping with his hold on the ground as Shizuo goes too far and there isn't a chase to tire him out beforehand. "I bet you think this whole goddamn thing is funny, don't you." Shizuo leans down, forehead knocking Izaya's and a choked groan escapes from the suffocating parasite. Shinra wants to advise Izaya that maybe it's not the best thing to do when laughing, encouraging Shizuo's rage and Erika's (supposedly with the Orihara twins') fantasies of getting the two enemies together. As long as the apartment stays in _one_ piece, then Shinra doesn't care all that much.

[Aren't you going to do something? I don't want to have to ruin the party because they're fighting.] Celty taps on her PDA to Shinra, shadows twisting nervously about her feet. So his darling is upset by the stupidity going on—well, he can't really blame her. But to try and save her happiness, that's another thing Shinra is willing to try even if risking certain death. Anything for his dearest Celty.

Of course, Shizuo beats him to the punch and the heroic _punch_ line. "I'll kill you, fucking flea," he spits, glaring intensifying with Izaya's eyes narrowing into slits while he wriggles for more air. "I'll _kill_ you and leave you as a stain on the ground."

"Try me, Shizu-chan." Izaya conveniently remembers the mistletoe in Shizuo's grasp, one hand coming up to force the brute's arm up to dangle the plant above them in a teasing manner. Is he going to-Mairu squeaks with approval, Erika gasping dramatically and Kadota sighs like he's been through this before. Shinra doesn't think he can watch—

"But you have to _kiss_ me first." Izaya finishes like the devil he is, smirking and when he has Shizuo thoroughly caught off guard he can lean up, using Shizuo's muscular strength and not caring if his fingers dig into the flesh of the blond's throat. All for reaching a prize, bumping their lips together in what may be the most horrifying and disgusting thing Shinra has ever seen. Celty's reaction he doesn't see, thoughts sticking in his eyes when he processes two enemies _kissing_ under a mistletoe and Erika's squealing is never as obnoxious as not being able to think clearly.

This is so awkwardly suicidal, Shinra doesn't know exactly what he's seeing.

When Tom is finally able to step in it's so painfully late that Shinra can't take his eyes off of the sight in front of him. Neither can anyone else, time coming to a faceplant on the ground with Shizuo managing to not rip Izaya apart yet. Instead the silence is burning into the depths of Shinra's supposed mortal soul, searing the sight of Izaya's lips moving against Shizuo's in a sinful manner that is reserved for what Shinra considers between lovers.

If he doesn't know any better (and maybe he doesn't) he'd say that they _are_ lovers that put Celty and he to shame only from the fact that Celty can't kiss him like he wants at times but this is more than not okay. It's terrifying, everyone freezing in place when Shizuo is kissing Izaya like he's not squeezing bruises onto the pale skin of Izaya's throat. Nothing strange at all, brushing lips with heavy strokes and wet slick noises pronouncing the obvious of them kissing.

Celty is quick enough to react as the first of all of them, dragging her shadows around them and pulling them apart when a small part of her thinks of it as a mistake, but still typing on her PDA for both to read on an extended arm. [Go outside, and just blow off some steam. Don't destroy our apartment!] It's a hopeless plea, but with Shinra gladly agreeing to showing them the door for a little bit to cool off, he's not sure what to think when Erika groans and says that the two have to stay. Shizuo, at least, leaves easily enough after he throws Izaya into the hallway.

All of them pretend-Tom apologizes profusely for the damage, not mentioning the trauma of watching them kiss-that it doesn't happen. Nothing at all wrong except for Mairu and Erika dancing in a circle, hands clasped together because they're finally proving Shizuo and Izaya have _something_ for each other. As long as no one hears the low growls of Shizuo and the crash of some breaking items down the hall, it's fine. If the sound quiets to a thump of someone landing on the floor, make that two, then Shinra would rather not talk about it. First of all, Aoba is giving him a look like he thinks he knows better. What is it with kids and being so arrogant these days?

Nothing happens, and the peace is almost restored fully into the Christmas party. Shizuo can fight with Izaya by kissing, as long as they don't break _too_ much when Celty lets them back in and they're still wound up in putting Shinra's fantasies to shame.

It's painfully awkward, Shinra decides more for Shizuo, when Kasuka and his date Ruri arrive. Togusa looks heartbroken and hopeful and Shizuo's red face and Izaya's broken grin make the night somewhat a little more worth it.

Shinra likes to point out that Izaya's cheeks are starting to dust a festive red color.

**Author's Note:**

> This is so awkward like the Kasuka/Slon pairing with cows that PendulumDeath/Mama Shizuwan came up with and I'm just going to be quiet now because this is going awkwardly bad. Oops.
> 
> On the kink meme [here.](http://drrrkink.livejournal.com/7084.html?thread=26052268#t26052268)
> 
> It's MARCH, what the hell am I doing writing Christmas-themed stories!?
> 
> Thank you for reading. ꒒ ০ ⌵ ୧ ♡


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